"Hi, my name is
and I am a Houseplant Addict."
this test to see if you are a Houseplant Addict!
you go to a store (grocery, home improvement, Target) and see plants
sale, are you physically incapable of leaving without buying one?
you buy plants and then realize you have no room for them in your home?
you baby your plants, clipping dead leaves and rearranging the pots, at
least once a week?
you have a garden, is it a jumble of unmatched plants that you
without thinking how they would look in your yard?
you taken cuttings, rooted spider plants, or divided perennials just
the idea of free plants is too irresistible to pass up?
you discovered that the cupholders in your car are the perfect size for
small plants coming home from the store?
any or all of your plants have names?
you are on vacation, do you call home to check on your houseplants?
you ever made a web page about houseplants?
a dying plant ever made you cry?
You are not a Houseplant Addict. You lead a bland life filled with
activities. Your friends tease you about your "brown thumb." You hire
to do your gardening.
You will lead a long, healthy life watching your artificial ivy collect
You are beginning to show signs of Houseplant Addiction. You spend an
at the store choosing the one perfect plant to take home with you. You
a small plant stand for displaying your plants. You are learning how to
50-50 chance of recovery. It's not too late to nip this in the bud (so
to speak). Avoid nurseries and garden shows.
You are a borderline Houseplant Addict. You have installed hanging
because your home is running out of surface area. The words "plant
cause your heart rate to increase. You know the difference between
and perlite, and you've set aside a place in your home that is strictly
devoted to transplanting. You have purchased your first bonsai.
Houseplant Addiction is a progressive disease, and it might already be
too late to stop. Seek professional counseling.
You are a certified Houseplant Addict. You pretend that your
are competing in a "longest vine" race. You have a favorite brand of
soil. You took pictures when your spider plant had its first babies.
build custom wall-sized plant stands to replace most of your furniture.
You decorate your plants for the holidays.
You might as well enjoy it, because there is no cure.
Pitfalls of Houseplant Addiction
believe that a houseplant addiction is harmless, or even amusing.
do not fall into this trap! Your houseplant addiction can be harmful to
you or your loved ones, as noted by several preeminent houseplant
researchers (such as myself). Knowing the pitfalls beforehand may save
your sanity and help protect your home and the plants themselves.
require a lot of dirt. Buy a car before trying to haul heavy bags of
soil to your house on foot or on bike.
will root in your carpet.
find it amusing to become topheavy and tip over their pots.
can bake in sunny windows.
watering houseplants, make sure the tip of the watering can is under
the leaves. Otherwise, the leaves act like a downspout and divert water
onto the floor. This is especially important to remember when watering
and cats like houseplants.
dogs also like houseplants (for a different reason).
houseplants are poisonous; if you think the human or non-human members
of your household might want to nibble, check here
dog tails are like weed-whackers. Keep your plants away from the front
door and other happy places.
try to give your houseplants individual names; many people have gone
trying to remember the names they gave their plants. If you name them
the same thing, they respond just as well.
spider mites will spread before you even know they're there.
you have a job, a family, or any other activities that take up your
time, bonsai may not be the right hobby for you.
plants look great at the store but chances are you'll never see them
again. Buy for the foliage instead.
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